“A lot of people who feel they have nothing still have hope,” says Jessie Stokes, a former client in Project Parent at FSGV. “Hope is what keeps people going, but there’s a stigma when you have your children removed,” she says. Hope seems a far way off in that moment, but Jessie’s message is that not all families are the same.
After her experience with intimate partner violence, Jessie sees other people like her and asks, “what do they need? What are their unmet needs?” She felt like she was screaming for help, but it wasn’t until her children were removed after a suicide attempt that Jessie felt heard. “Why does it have to get to that point?”
Jessie joined Project Parent through a referral from the Ministry of Child and Family Development (MCFD). At the time, she felt very alone. She’d recently been hospitalized and was in shock. “When you’re in an abusive relationship, everybody tells you to get out, but then when you’re out, they give you the cold shoulder,” she explains. “That’s when support is needed the most.”
Jessie’s beacon of hope was Crystal Graff, FSGV Family Counsellor. “She challenged me, she asked questions,” says Jessie. “She opened up all of these doors that I knew were there, but I hadn’t wanted to connect the dots to see what was behind them.” Crystal’s approach worked well for Jessie, who wanted to understand the “why” and make better decisions moving forward. But Jessie was also exhausted, emotionally and physically, craving rest. “Crystal is very patient.”
Over time, they built trust and rapport. “When that moment happens, it’s like magic,” says Jessie. “Crystal educated me about the window of tolerance, about how your body stores trauma… and the brain-body connection.” Early in her journey with Project Parent, Jessie found counselling draining. There were many breakthroughs and aha moments but working through her trauma was a full-time job. “I still have work to do,” she says. “It’s going to be forever.” But these days, her healing work isn’t as intensive. Jessie now has room for more of what life can give.
Today, Jessie is completing her degree in social work. “I think sometimes we meet people who open doors and inspire us,” she says. “Crystal is that for me. Everything Crystal taught me is knowledge and information I’m going to pass on to my clients.” A new beacon of hope.